1. |
To The Hamptons
01:17
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One simple lie
Taken to extreme proportions
Let’s see who buckles first
Have they caught on to my lie?
Why are we driving so far?
Let’s get nuts
you wanted to get nuts? let’s get nuts
we’re going to the Hamptons
No solarium, No Prickly Pete
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2. |
Jerk Store
00:54
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A coworker jests
Another joke at my expense
The tension building waiting for the perfect comeback
No need for your suggestions, I’ve got a brilliant one
I’m going with ‘jerk store’
‘Running out of shrimp?’
I’ll show him
What do you mean he moved?
‘Jerk store’ would have smoked him
Flight to Akron booked!
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3. |
Thou Shalt Not Pick
01:07
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Incidental penetration
Is that so unforgiveable?
Is that like breaking a commandment?
She caught me in a pick at a light
Thou shalt not pick
I know what I saw
But there was no pick
I did not pick
There was no pick
No! No pick!
Are we not human?
If we pick, do we not bleed?
I am not an animal!
Thou shalt not pick
I know what I saw
But there was no pick
I did not pick
There was no pick
No! No pick!
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4. |
||||
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All we wanted was dinner and a movie with friends
All we got was a night of disappointment instead
We’re gonna miss the movie
There’s people on the phone
Elaine’s too hungry to think straight
She won’t take the bet
The guy won’t take the bribe
Where the hell do I know that lady from?
Phone call for Cartwright! Cartwright! Cartwright!
Phone call for Cartwright!
He called for Cartwright
his name’s really Costanza
There goes his second date with Tatiana
Where the fuck do I know that lady from?
Phone call for Cartwright! Cartwright! Cartwright!
Shouldn’t be based on who’s here first
It should be who’s the hungriest
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5. |
||||
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It all started unassumingly enough, this office party
Cocktails, banter and appetizers
A lighthearted toast to make a good impression
But when music began, so did the terror
Dance!
Sweet fancy Moses
The thumbs
Sweet fancy Moses
The little kicks
Limbs flailing! Arms Akimbo!
Like a dry heave set to music
She can’t dance
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6. |
||||
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Pennypacker seeks refuge
Varnsen just wants to watch the game
Vandelay wants revenge
And so, the three shall meet
Mucho trafico because of the parade
Turns out maroon Golf
was the least of their concerns
The Mets could win the game
Laser guy at ‘Blimp’
Only takes one cigar
to burn a flag in a car
It was just a mistake, but they won’t understand
Puerto Ricans everywhere!
If we’re all here,
who’s at the factory?
That means my car
Someone remember where we parked
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7. |
Signals
00:32
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Did she ask what you were doing?
She calls today with no plans for tomorrow?
You don’t even know where she’s staying
And you can’t call her
Signals. It’s all signals
|
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8. |
No Bagels
00:26
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Poppy seeds and raisins
I can't stand this stupid apron
We demand higher wages
Hey! No bagels! no bagels!
Hey! No bagels! No bagels!
Hey! No bagels! No bagels!
We'll sabotage your business
And we don't need your restroom.
How do you like your bagels now!?
Hey! No bagels! No bagels!
Hey! No bagels! No bagels!
Hey! No bagels! No bagels!
|
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9. |
Mandelbaum
00:43
|
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|
Three generations of pure muscle and steel
Three generations of total testosterone
You think you’re better than me?
You think you’re better than us?
All aboard the pain train daffodil
Toughen up, butterbean!
Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!
Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!
Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!
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10. |
Shocked and Chagrined
00:42
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Outrageous
Egregious
Preposterous
Lewd, Lascivious
Salacious
Outrageous
Restful
Resplendent
Magnificent
Deplorable
Infallible
Improbable
Shocked and Chagrined
Mortified and Stupefied
|
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11. |
A Prolific Man
00:25
|
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|
Silver dollar collector
Holiday creator
Cabana-wear enthusiast
The famous move
But he won’t cook
So prolific
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12. |
Why Seperate Knob?
00:39
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|
A tragic figure
Jean Paul Jean Paul
He overslept for his own race
What did him in?
Not the snooze
The am/pm switch?
It was the volume
Why separate knob?
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13. |
The Place to Be
01:47
|
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Our secret oasis
Our eden of relaxation
No room, 15 balls, 6 holes, one baton
Not just pool, beyond billiards
No creases in our pants
It’s the place to be
No room, 15 balls, 6 holes, one baton
|
||||
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